I scheduled Clover's surgery today. July 8th. My unwavering certainty that I was making the right decision has wavered. Sure, he recovered well last time, considering what he went through. Should I really be putting him through that again? I take his picture and see how cloudy his eyes are. I call him and see how loud my voice has to get before he hears me. He'll be almost 14 by the time he's got two knees again.
But then, he hurt his knees both times because he was running around like (or with) a much, much younger dog. He doesn't seem to mind the eyes, or the ears, or much of anything else, as long as he's getting fed and has a toy and has me.
I'm afraid something could go wrong, or in six months something will go wrong. But my only other humane option is to put him down. Then I'd just spend forever wonder if he would have lived to be 15 or 18 or how long, happy with his bionic knees and without much vision. I guess at that point, I'd rather we went down swinging. I can't plan for things to go wrong; just hope - a lot - for them to go right.
I guess when it comes down to it, I'd pay another $1300 for another good year. And I guess I wouldn't be able to live with myself if, based on the facts of the past, I gave up while the odds seem in his favor.
That doesn't mean I won't doubt my choice, though.
I think I told you that my sister's dog lived til he was 18. She put him down because he was getting so rickety. He'd stand up and then fall down. She was terrified that he'd snap a brittle leg bone and be left in pain all day while she was at work. Which was becoming more and more of a possibility every day.
ReplyDeleteClover's still such an active little pup. And I think you're doing the right thing by operating.
*hugs*
ReplyDelete"everything's gonna be alright"